Why You Need Kayo Mukurta Pre-Marital Counseling?
So you are planning to get married? Great! You must have butterflies fluttering in your stomach already. Your marriage shopping, honeymoon, etc. must be keeping you quite occupied and somewhat stressed as well. That’s alright.
But how do you plan to tackle the stress that may come, post your marriage?
After the so-called honeymoon phase is over, issues around finances, parenthood & the role each partner will play, and issues arising due to the extended family will most likely creep in and may haunt you.
But marriage doesn’t have to be a rude reality check. And while conventional wisdom would say that you should deal with such issues, as it comes, there are, however, smarter ways to help you plan your post married life.
And this is where Kayo mukurta pre-marital counselling can help you.
Largely, due to stigma, many couples would not go to a psychotherapist or a counselor to seek advice. Many fear that family and friends will judge them if their relationship is in trouble already, even before marriage. The couples, on the other hand, may fear that it may open up a can of worms which can result in breaking off their relationship.
But it’s far from true!It can actually bring a positive difference in your marriage.
So, how can Kayo Mukurta pre-marriage counselling help?
Here the counselors guide you, so you do have to walk in the path knowing what to say and what to do. Also, the counselors can help you identify the areas where there is a chance of conflict.
Take the case of Surya and Sumi, who were in a loving relationship, and were about to get married. They visited me for a counselling session. As the conversation followed we got to know that Raj is worried about his mother who is alone, and he wants her to stay with them, post their marriage.
Neha who although loves Raj’s mother could foresee her staying with them bringing a set of challenges. As we moved further, this open conversation helped them foresee further challenges but help them chart out ways to resolve it. As we moved in our session, we discussed in details the lifestyle changes that a new family will bring and how can they deal with these.
In the next few sessions, the couples opened up and discussed on other important aspects of the marriage such as sex and children. It helped them make important decisions on how long they would like to wait before having a child, and discuss on other birth control measures.
After doing a couple of exercises we got to know how each of them priorities differently the various elements of life, such as Career, Family, Money, Health, Goals, etc. While it is alright to rate it differently, discussing the discrepancies and working to level it out is important. And that’s what the counselling helped them achieve. Prioritizing these important heads helped them acknowledge each other’s weakness and differences, it thus becomes a crucial step to be more accepting and supportive of each other.
Now, one may think that these sessions can actually create problems in a relationship.
It’s important to understand that every marriage will have its own set of problems. What is important is to deal with it while they are small and don’t wait until the issues become bigger or get worse.
To that effect, the best time to go to a counselor is when everything is going well. It may seem
counter-intuitive, but it’s like taking an insurance policy on relationship – so one doesn’t have to deal with the bigger problems that may come down the road.
Counselling may open some awkward discussions and even cause some arguments, but it’s natural and normal to have some hiccups when you are about to make a lifelong commitment.
And lastly, do remember that the bedrock of a great relationship is how the couple can tackle their problems. An open, flexible mindset is perhaps the best when dealing with relationship issues. All the best!
How To Ignite Love in An Arranged Marriage
We have heard stories of our parents adjusting with each other and with families. We have felt the heat of any argument they had while growing up. Though our parents, grandparents are epitome to make us believe in the institution of marriage but somewhere they have also created a notion that in an arranged marriage, life with your partner is not as romantic and love-filled as in a love marriage. Being part of your close friend’s happy love-married life can make you question the ease and love in an arranged marriage.
With due respect to the ideology of love marriage, we need to know that arranged marriages can also be as loving as love marriages, if not more. It just needs more efforts from both partners as the relationship in arranged marriage progresses from being strangers to being life partners in a short period of time. Same efforts which people put in, before marriage, to name it as love marriage.
What is necessary to make an arranged marriage pleasing and loveable is the readiness to take steps towards the expression of love. It is true for all relationships but especially in an arranged marriage, a young couple should take care of expressing one’s emotions instead of hiding them or expecting the partner to understand them without being told.
A certain level of trust in the fact that your partner loves you is necessary but what is essential is expressing love through both words and action. Simple things like a long gaze in the eyes, tender notes in voice, small favours and kindness can go a long way.
Here are things one can do to kindle romance in an arranged marriage:
Things to do before marriage:
Try to develop a friendship and then let it gradually grow into a romantic relationship. You can do so by sending chocolates or flowers which hint that you would like to be friends first. Also, fix out a certain time to talk to your partner – be it on a phone or skype or e-mails or even hand written letters.
Get to know each other’s childhood experiences and family so as to gel better. Ask about each other’s dreams so that you can understand what they want from life.
Trust is essential as you and your partner might be living in different cities and have different schedules. One can try sharing the scary secret for example if you have been bullied or sexually assaulted. Asking forgiveness for self-perceived wrongdoings will help build trust.
Plan to meet each other. Spend quality time together. Observe details of your partner which you can’t experience on phone – perfume they wear or brightness in the eyes.
Things to do after marriage:
There will be things you don’t like about your partner. Don’t try to change each one of them and don’t fret over every small issue. Accept the way your partner is. Sometimes your partner squeezes toothpaste from middle and you prefer it from the end. Don’t fight over it. Don’t try to change them. Bring your own tube of toothpaste if it bothers you so much.
Try to do a role-reversal for a day. Husband will be handling all tasks his partner does on a daily basis and same goes for the wife. This will help you to know challenges your partner faces on daily basis. This exercise will help you gain respect towards each other’s work.
Share duties with each other. Don’t make your relation stuck in role decided by society – only the wife will cook and husband will pay bills. Even husband can help in household chores and wife can help her partner to manage finances.
Break the monotony. Try to indulge in a DIY activity rather than going out for the movie.Play romantic version of scrabble than sitting in front of television whole day. Find out different interest areas and explore it together. This will help you to spend quality time together and will reveal a new fun side of your partner.
Be ready to give more than you get. A relationship works like a bow. Greater you stretch the thread, the more the limb will bend. Be more like the limb of bow for a successful relationship.
So there you have it – things you can do to strengthen your relationship.
And remember: a perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.