Kayo Akalika (Why Wives Are Stressed Most of The Time?)

People generally say women are hard to love, (and by people, I mostly mean MEN!). Men often say (read: Complain) that women are complicated and make everything complex. They do things, say things, work out things, but ALAS! Things remain the same.

As time passes by like a free bird, marital problems become magnified when the partners take their personal stresses out on each other. The resulting problems can get so complicated that they become very difficult to unravel.

Your spouse is a handy scapegoat for stress-related problems that really have nothing to do with him or her. Still, your partner is often the most available (and least risky) target. It’s only a matter of time until your spouse will retaliate by directing his or her stress-related anger and frustration right back at you.

Well, fear not.

Here we have compiled a list of signs which will help you identify and reduce the stress.

The Judgement

A Wife is expected to cook food, keep the house clean, finish all her responsibilities personally and professionally to the tee and oh Yes! Look presentable. And if somewhere she is left behind even by 1%, people begin to wonder if she is alright. “Maybe she is under the influence of medicines or alcohol” “Look, how irresponsible she is” “She doesn’t have time for family and her responsibilities” and it continues..

Whereas if it’s a reversal of roles, the man is showered with compliments and support. “That’s a good job. You are doing good. Now a days husbands don’t do so much. Your wife is lucky.”
See what I am trying to point out?

Women are often more intuitive than men

At any given point of time, a woman’s brain focuses on a 100 things at a time. It is like a ticking clock which works on many time zones together. She would be thinking about tonight’s dinner, your child’s homework, your clothes for tomorrow, her project deadline, her mother-in-law’s diet, her best friend’s birthday surprise, etc, all at the same time. Which is also one of the reasons why a man often wonders why is his lady giving 8 different answers to a simple question he had asked.So the bottom line is your wife is more sensitive, perceptive and intuitive to the environment around her. She is RIGHT! Most of the time, listen to her. And when things don’t go as per the plan, you and your wife eventually are stressed.

Women need more sleep than men

With the ongoing tornado in their minds, women often are restless and yet calm. Women are most often the ones who are up with the kids in the middle of the night. Or be it a nagging mother-in-law. Maybe it’s the office pressure. Or just maybe because she is the wife and daughter-in-law and hence she needs to sleep late and wake up early. So, your wife has a sleep deficit, which means she’s more easily stressed out. If you want a less stressed wife, get up with the kids or maybe her. Or just maybe help her out whichever way you are comfortable with.

Women know balance matters

Women know how important the balance between her profession and personal life is. And hence, she strives to achieve the same. She ensures her house is squeaky clean, her chores are finished on time, her boss gets the project files on time, her best friend has the best day of her life. She knows the importance of impressions. She knows the expressions and eye rolls.

In society, there is a baseline expectation that your home does not look dirty and messy when you entertain guests. Keeping a fairly normal looking home is a proxy variable for ‘understands how society works.’
So, if your wife wants her house to be clean before having people over, or just as a default in case people come over, this is basically saying, ‘I want others to view our family as a reasonable group of humans who fit into society and with whom it may be plausible to have a friendship, not as a visiting band of Martians with no working knowledge of this planet and its social mores.’

So, there you have it. A detailed analysis of why your wife is always stressed. So, the next time your wife is upset about something, show sympathy, instead of judging. She is maintaining a delicate balance, and it is only understandable that the scales tip at times.

Am I Expecting Too Much From My Spouse?

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. – Donald Miller

Expectations are dangerous when they are both too high and unformed. – Lionel Shriver

A casual glance at any newspaper on a given day will highlight several instances of married couples initiating divorce proceedings just after a few years into married life. Even those who got into wedlock after many years of being in love and in courtship are no exceptions. So, what could be the reason for such a situation to arise?

While there may be several valid reasons for such a decision being taken, one of the most seemingly common reasons is what everyone believes to be expectation mismatch i.e., unable to find the partner matching up, leave alone exceeding the expectations of the partner.

But is this such an important factor that one decides to end their relationship? The answer to this can be found in some known research works. The longer a couple stays in marriage, there is this general tendency to take each other for granted and when this does not sustain, conflicts arise within the family.

Let us now see a few real life examples.

A homemaker who spends her life, caring for her spouse and children for the most part of the week may have a genuine expectation to spend the weekend with the spouse, eating out or going out for a film. Her spouse on the other hand who spends the weekends commuting to the office, spending a harrowing time in the maddening traffic will be eagerly looking forward to spending the weekend in the comfort of the home, just trying to relax and chill out.
Let us look at another example – here is a couple, the wife is a teacher in a reputed school and the husband is a bank employee. The wife’s work responsibilities go beyond the stipulated working hours and extend most times into weekends, preparing for the next week’s classes, conceptualizing the question papers, correcting the mark sheets etc. In this case, the husband’s expectations that his wife should dedicate more time for him or his family may not be met.As you would have seen, the above examples are not fictitious but those are ones that everyone gets to see in our society.

So, in both these cases, was anyone at fault in having those expectations? It is not wrong to have expectations. The only caveat is that those expectations need to be realistic and should have an element of sensitivity.

In the first example, it is unrealistic to have an outing every weekend.

Having said this, the husband who is out of home for almost 6 days a week should be sensitive to the wife’s implicit expectations for having some time out with him and try and make time for it, if not every weekend. Similarly, the wife should be sensitive to the fact that the husband may genuinely want to have some rest from the hustles and bustles of everyday life and may not want to push him all the time to meet with her implicit expectation.

In the second example, the husband who has a regular work-time job needs to be sensitive to the demands of his wife’s job responsibilities and if possible, try and help her in whatever way he could do. Similarly, the wife may have to be sensitive to the husband’s expectation and plan her work accordingly and if required, seek help from him.

Thus, what we gather here is that expectations are not wrong as long as they are realistic and are sensitive to the spouse’s situation.

To conclude, when you get a question in your mind if you are expecting too much from your spouse, ask yourself if you are being realistic and sensitive to the situation.

Are you unhappy with your relationship? Do you think your spouse expects too much from you? Don’t worry, Attain Kayo Padma Class

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